love and relationship advice

Dear Deb,  

I met this guy a year and a half ago. We had dated about 5 months soon after we met. He had a divorce a little before we met (and has nearly a 2 year old child). Thus a mistake on my part for even going there that soon. Since then we've been good friends. More recently (within the past 3 months) closer and closer friends. We are intimate off and on. Recently he told me that he wants to be just friends. We are very much like each other: we have the same hobbies, share interests, views, values, morals, goals, etc...so much it's scary. We get along famously, have fun no matter what, never fight, think the world of each other, would do anything for each other, etc.... Basically, all the foundations of a GREAT relationship. The real back-fall is that I want a serious relationship; he wants to be just friends. At one time we were more than that. I guess I don’t understand how we could have all these things and him have this small piece of the puzzle missing the "romantic" feeling. We share the same bed and even kiss each other good-bye. On top of all of this, he is kind of interested in another woman he just met a couple of weeks ago. I guess I don’t see what she has or could offer him that I don’t already have. I know a lot of people would kill for a great relationship like ours...why doesn’t he? I guess I can't see why he is fascinated with this new woman, and doesn't see anything but a best friend in me.  Help...any advice on the subject itself and how I can aide him to "see the light" would be helpful!  

 

Seriously Puzzled

 

Dear Seriously Puzzled,  

Unfortunately, here is another example how men and women are different. You see the possibilities of a wonderful relationship and can't understand why he is so blind to it. Men want to "settle down" when THEY are ready to and not one-second before.   If you think he is a "keeper" then you can consider being "just friends" for now. Perhaps in a subtle way you can let him know that this will mean that you are free to date as well.  Why is he "fascinated" with this new woman you ask? Because she is "new." He may not care about her at all once the "newness" is gone.  Don't waste a moment of your valuable time and energy to try to persuade him to do anything, or "see the light."  Besides, your best efforts and good intentions could backfire if he thinks you are just being possessive. To truly be in control of this situation you almost have to "not care so much," and let him go. You'll get your self respect back and it might make him appreciate you more too.   

Deb