love and relationship advice

Dear Deb,

I'm a 25 year old married female, my husband has a past hisory of going to strip clubs. We have been together three years (married for 2months). He does not go out like he used to, but sometimes he still has to go to the nude bars with his single friends. I dont want this to be an issue all the time. We have a great relationship, but this really bothers me -- it always has but I try to tell him this and he can't understand that it really hurts. We also have a good sex life. I dont know why he can't let me do the stripping. What should I do?

Confused

Dear Confused,

Trust me, this has NOTHING to do with YOU. Most guys view going to strip clubs with their friends as a "goof" -- they get to act stupid (in a room full of other men acting stupid) around naked women, so I guess it's real fun for them. There is only a real problem if it's an obsession OR if he is actually having sex at these clubs (paying for it or otherwise). If this is the case then you have the right to tell him to cut it out or go for counseling because it is not OK with you. If he's not having sex (which most men don't at these clubs) and it's not an obsession ... then try your best not to let it bother you (or at least, don't let him know that it bothers you). You could say that you're not thrilled about it, and ask that he spare you the details. You could request that he doesn't initiate sex with you after one of these nights out (if that bothers you).

Also consider having a night out with the girls while he is out. You could go on a shopping spree whenever he goes out to a strip club (hey, you enjoy strip clubs ... I enjoy shopping!). You will find that in time, his going out with his friends won't bother you as much.

You are still a newlywed and you are young ... ask older married women how they feel about their husbands going to strip clubs and they will most likely tell you that they are glad whenever they are out of the house and out of their hair. My point is what is bothersome now, may not be much of a big deal later. We as women have a tendency to take everything personally and therefore we get hurt as a result. I'd rather shop than cry, wouldn't you?

Deb