love and relationship advice

Dear Deb,

I have been with my current boyfriend Jason for almost a year and a  half. Almost a year and three months longer than any of my previous relationships. Because of his job (he works 12 hour days) I only see him once or twice a week. Lately every time we end our night together I cry. I am sad to see him go, but have no idea why I cry every single time we go out nowadays. I adore this man. More than any man before. I have not had a great dating past. I have even been engaged twice (once and 15 and once at 18). Jason and I have talked about getting married in about three or four years after he gets out of school. I can't think of a future without him, but sometimes I am scared I will mess things up and he won't want to marry me just like the two before. He is strong and patient, which helps. I want to know what you suggest I do. I am too poor to see a shrink, but bought some St. John's Wort just to see if that might help me. Any advice for me? Thanks for listening.

Jenn

 

Dear Jenn,

Are your tears of sadness or tears of fear? If you live in fear that you will "mess up" this relationship you may very well mess it up ... that kind of stuff happens with fears. St. John's Wort is reported to  help with one's "moods," I don't see any harm in taking it. I think the best thing to do is to get involved with things to fill your time when you are away from Jason ... things that will help develop your personality and be good for your soul. Think about this ... what is more attractive and appealing ... a crying, sad person or a smiling, happy person? If you have your happiness be dependent on another person, you pretty much set yourself  up for disappointment. True happiness comes when we can love our mates and yet not be totally dependent on them for our happiness.

Deb

See Jenn's follow up reply in the Forum