love and relationship advice

Dear Deb

Thanks for the advice you gave me. Yes, I must admit, I act like a wife (not griping or telling what to do)...but the comfortableness, advice, giving, motherly type stuff. I guess I'm too nice and maybe give too much. But that makes me the "sweet" friend in most guys eyes. But not girlfriend??? Wouldn't guys want a sweet woman? I just want to know how to stop doing, saying, or acting in the way of the "friend" and start being looked at as the "girlfriend"!! Any more advice, please? Thanks.

By the way, I am nearly 23.

Cute1

Dear Cute1,

You're welcome for the advice I originally gave you.
http://deardeb.com/read-letters/4-always-the-best-friend-and-never-a-girlfriend.html
It is posted here, in hopes to help others that are going through a similar situation.

Here's some more advice:

Men will refers to you as "a friend" when...
- they are in a relationship with another woman (or want to be)
- OR still haven't resolved a previous relationship (break up or divorce)
- OR if they are not interested in a committed relationship (with you or maybe with anyone at this time)

I don't believe that anyone should pretend to be something they are not or compromise themselves in any way, because once the "fairy dust" wears off and you come back down to earth, you may end up resenting the outcome.

Now, with that said ... let's take a look at what you are doing and the type of men you are pursuing. Is it possible that you are attracted to men that will reject you? This is not so unusual, you know ... people who have reservations about getting into serious relationships often do this. Also, if you smother guys ... they don't like it ... so don't get too motherly or anything (they only like that once they are married to you).

Also, try to have a life and interests outside of the relationship. You will be more of an interesting person all around, and more appealing to be with.

Deb

PS - Let's hear some advise from you guys out there.